Harry Potter Porn
by short-n-sweet05
Summary: No one is bold enough to say it, but hp fanfics are riddled with porn. So here's my version or perversion. Whatever you like. R
1. Damn showers

     Harry was just awakening as the sun peaked through the boy's dormitory window.  _Damn it another day of classes_, he thought.  He trudged out of bed and heard the other boys groan at the morning.  _Where is the frickin bathroom in this place, you know it's never mentioned in my damn books_.  He mumbled complaints as he dressed for his day at Hogwarts.  He made his way stumbling down the stairs to the red and gold common room where a few Gryffindors lay incapacitated from last night's quidditch victory bash.  It was mostly first years.  He laughed inside his head,_ Stupid kids can't hold their liquor_, _and they probably won't remember what they did last.  On second thought, I can't either_._ Oh well! I'll find out at breakfast_.  He stumbled his way over a few more people, who woke up dazed and confused.  He stepped on a girl and it was Ginny.  

"Hey Harry," she said with half open eyes and a groggy voice.  

"Hi Ginny, need help getting up?" he asked with a slight laugh in his voice.

"No, but would you find my shirt for me?" she said with wide eyes and twinkle in her eye.

He held up a purple shirt and a red shirt from near the couch.  "Is it one of these?"

"No, it isn't but just hand me the red one.  I'll find my real one later."  

"I gotta go it's breakfast you know." He said matter-a-factly.

"Yeah, I'm gonna take a shower first.  Would you like to join me? You know after that killer time in the closet last night" she said with a giggle.

"Maybe later, Gin, but you know I'm pre-destined by my author to go to breakfast and magically meet up with Ron and Hermione, who I haven't seen leave the common room." He added with a shrug.

He walked out the portrait hole after stumbling over a few more people.  It was Saturday, so it didn't really matter much.  _Where is that damn shower room anyway???  I could use some Ginny lovin right now.  Who needs breakfast?? Apparently me.  Damn author!!!!!! _(thank you, thank you I know I'm evil)  Harry walked down the lonely halls cursing the author.  He didn't realize he was at the Great Hall until he ran into the big door.  _Fuck that hurt!_  Offstage an evil laugh is heard from the author.  

Harry plopped himself at his normal seat at his table.  Ron was there and so was Hermione, naturally.  Ron looked like he just had the worst night of his life, but was happily munching down what was laid in front of him.  _Yeah, I can tell.  I don't even have to ask for the hundredth time if he got laid.  Yeah, he hadn't.  His younger sis got more action that he did.  It's sad really.  Maybe I should teach him how to smooth with the ladies.  Nah, then I'd have competition.  Hahahaha! What am I saying Ron competition, yeah right.  I have to make a comment.  It's just soooo easy._

"How the ladies treatin ya, Ronnie boy/"

Ron garbled out something between as he ate.  No one really cared to decipher it.  They all knew he wasn't doing well.  They'd all pitch in for his birthday to buy him a whore.  They actually had a hidden collection jar that his twin brothers passed around after he left the common room parties.  He was sexually repressed and trying to hard.  The big thing was he was shy.  If he had a girl naked in his room or even near him he'd run, hide, or stare for a really long time.  We'd fix that for him.

Hermione, at the moment, was going on about something about schoolwork.  Of course, that was all a front.  We all she's the innocent schoolgirl.  I only know this because she gives into the Harry charm.  She's really something.  _MMMMMMMM Hermione.  Sexy legs with a short skirt.  Man, it's wonderful being me._  Hermoine had finally stopped talking and was eyeing Harry all seductive like.  Harry returned the gaze with a smooth nod of the head.  She did look killer today in a tight shirt, short skirt, and leather boots.  

" I actually got a stare from the whole Great Hall this morning, Harry." She said casually._  That was normal.  My, my our little Hermione has grown up hasn't she!_  Ron was staring at her since he was done paying attention to his food.  He was also mumbling something incoherently.  _Yep, I can tell Ron wants her bad.  Well I have to have my Hermione lovin first._  Ron was starting to drool.  

" Pathetic ain't it?" Harry whispered to Hermione.

"I think I can cure him." She said with a wink.

"Really Hermione, would you do that for me? Nothing serious just you know some action from a real lady.  It's for a good cause.  I mean he is our friend, and friends help each other."

  "But first, he eyed her, I need some friendly ummmm, gestures, should I say." He said in his smooth voice.

"Okay meet me in the shower room tonight and I'll fix up Ron later ." Hermione said gleefully.

_Shit, Does anyone know where the fucking shower room is????_    


	2. Mud Wrestling

Harry ran back to the common room because it is what everyone does after breakfast.  The floor was cleared of crashed out bodies.  A pile of clothes and assorted items were laying in a corner for everyone to pick up.  Neville's whip was among the pile, along with one of the dildos the Weasely twins sold to the desperates, and the usual clothes.  _Damn, it must've been some wild party.  Too bad I can never remember any of them.  _ _I'll have to stay sober next time._  He placed himself on the red velvet couch and waited for something enter the scene because that's just how things worked around here.  Neville creeped down the dormitory steps with flushed red cheeks.

"I see you brought you're whip out last night, Neville?"

Neville gave a little jump.  " Oh Harry, I didn't see ya there."

_No one ever sees me here_, Harry thought.  " Got a little freaky last night, Neville?"

Neville blushed a violent shade of red.  He picked up his whip and said, " Thanks for the tips Harry." as he ran up the stairs.  _Oh yeah! Who's good?  If I can fix him up and make him a ladies man.  I can definitely help Ron._  Harry laid back on the couch and smiled with satisfaction.  _I have done my good deed for the day.  Now only if someone could help me grace the ladies presence in the shower._

Talk was coming from girl's dormitory stairs.  It was Lavender and some other girl. They were in bath robes and carrying towels. "Hey Harry, Wassup?" they both said in unison.

"Nothing much and where are you two going?"

"We're going to take a shower." They giggled as they approached the portrait hole.  

"So where is this famous shower place?" he said nonchalantly focusing on the pile of lost items since noticed Lavender's robe was hanging more off than on her body.  _Lavender just take it off. What's the point of resisting? It's half off anyway.  _Harry turne back towards the portrait hole, and no one was there.  "Damn this place and my author!!!!" he yelled, "Damn my thoughts distracting me from my purpose and damn Lavender."_  I gotta find someone fast who will give me some lovin without telling me to go to the shower._

_Okay I'm getting off the couch.  Now, I'm off the couch.  Where am I going to go?  I'll go outside.  Usually there are some ladies by the lake this time of year._  Harry strolled out the common.  He walked through the halls waving at groups of girls and nodding smoothly to the guys walking along.  He reached the lake, and his eyes nearly popped out of his sockets.  A group of scantily clad girls were mud wrestling.  Harry literally pinched himself.  _Why am I the only guy out here? I should get Ron out here.  _Magically out of nowhere, Hedwig appeared because I have the power.  

"Thanks," Harry said to his author.

"Okay take this message to Ron. Now!"

Hedwig flew off in the direction of the Gryffindor tower.  Harry stared at the scene smiling a Draco-esque smile.  He stepped from behind the bushes, so the girls could now see him.  The girls just waved at him in between tackling each other into the mud.  Actually, Madam Hooch was the referee of the current match between and Ravenclaw and a Hufflepuff.  _Ahhhh, Hogwarts._  _So different from all the rest._  _Go Ravenclaw!  I'd like to have her in the shower for awhile.  _Ron snuck behind Harry huffing and puffing.

"Thanks Harry for the heads up." He said between breaths.

"Yeah, Hedwig just happened to fly by, and when I saw this I thought of you." He pointed towards the girls in the mud.  

Ron looked at the scene with wide eyes.  Harry pointed and laughed at him.  _Hee hee! I told him to come out here a.s.a.p, but I neglected to tell him why._

"You like Ron?" he said staring at Ron's reaction.

"Harry!" Ron let out his signature whimper and pointed at the Hufflepuff, who was now wrestling topless.  Ron soon regained composure, if you can call it composure.  The topless girl stood up and waved at Ron.  _Poor sap, all he can do is sit there and mumble incoherently.  Come on Ron don't look down.  You know you want to look.  He's looking, He's looking, and now he's walking away._

"Ron stop! She digs you, man."

"She's a Hufflepuff."

"Excuses, Excuses.  Follow my lead."  Both of them cantered over to the mud puddle and the now laughing girls since the match was over.  The Ravenclaw won, but girls are good sports.  So they were throwing mud and giggling.

"Hi Harry! Hi Ron!" they all chimed.

"Hello ladies!" Harry answered.  He nudged Ron. 

"Yes, hello ladies!" Ron said trying to equal Harry's confidence.

Then came the chorus of giggles form the girls.  Ron stared at the topless, shameless Hufflepuff.  Harry did too.  _The beauties of a woman, and yes, she **is** a woman.  Damn Ron everyone can see what you think of this situation.  My poor knieve friend._  Harry kindly nudged Ron.  Ron looked down and flushed red.  He pathetically attempted to hide it. 

"Any lucky lady want to help my friend Ron here with his problem?"

The Hufflepuff shot her hand straight up.  Harry strode over to her and took her hand in his.  They walked over to Ron, who was still blushing.  

"Ron meet Sara."

"Hello Ron," Sara said in a seductive tone.

Ron nodded back in a semi-smooth way.  Harry eyed them both.  _These two will get along famously.  At least for a little while.  Now to help myself._  Harry turned towards the ladies still playing the mud.  He joined them in the mud and made his presence known by pinching a few asses and letting a few of his thoughts loose.  He looked back at the spot where he left Ron, and both were gone.  He smirked as he pinched another girl as a slaute to Ron.  

 


	3. Ron gets some

Previously………

Ron nodded back in a semi-smooth way. Harry eyed them both. _These two will get along famously. At least for a little while. Now to help myself._ Harry turned towards the ladies still playing the mud. He joined them in the mud and made his presence known by pinching a few asses and letting a few of his thoughts loose. He looked back at the spot where he left Ron, and both were gone. He smirked as he pinched another girl as a salute to Ron.

_Meanwhile………………………………………._

"Hi, Sara," Ron said in his most manly voice.

Sara just giggled like all girls do.  Her hand crept into Ron's hair, and her fingers begin to toy with the red strands.  

"Ummm Sara, shouldn't we?" he pointed to the castle behind him.

"Oh yeah! Sorry." She said with a blush flushing over her cheeks.

Ron took off his cloak and placed it around her topless body.  She grasped it tightly around her body as the opened the door to the main hallway.  Neither of them wanted to get caught.  Although, this school was pretty weird when it came discipline.  They hurried up the first staircase they laid eyes on.

"Where should we go?" Ron asked Sara as he ran up the stairs.

Sara smiled and took the lead.  _A girl who takes control; I like that.  _Ron gave a littler chuckle as he raced with her up the stairs and down the next corridor.  Sara giggled as she came to the familiar wall.  It was where they had the DADA meetings.  This time the door was opened, and it looked like a fancy hotel room.  _Amazing!!!_  

Sara walked over to the bed and tossed of the cloak while Ron busied himself with the door.  He was trying to ensure they wouldn't be walked in on.  Ron turned from the door to find only his cloak on the bed.  His ears picked up the sound of a running shower.  He walked over to the bathroom door and tapped on the door lightly.  _Please dear God let her let me in!!!!!! _The knob the door began to move.  Ron stepped back in a hurry and tried to gain some composure for what was coming.  He adjusted his smile and his hair.  _O my god!_ _O my god_! _O my god_!_!!!_ _O my god!!!_!   Sara opened the door slightly and peeked out.  A devilish smile spread across Sara's lips.  

"Would you like to come in?" she asked as her towel slipped a little.

Ron could only nod in response with a large grin on his blushing face.  _Oh yes! Oh yes!  _Sara took his hand in hers and pulled him into the bathroom.  It was steamy, and the mirror was fogged over.  Ron looked everywhere but at Sara.  Soon his glazed over the floor, and he saw the white towel that once covered her body littering the tile floor.  His breath caught in his throat as he realized Sara was pressed against him.  Her hands were back in his hair toying with his hair.  Her body was slightly wet, but it didn't bother him one bit.  He felt the hands slide down to the nape of his neck and down over his shirt.  

"We can't take a shower with clothes on, now can we?"

He could only blink his eyes to acknowledge he was still alive.  He felt her silky fingers pass under his shirt hem.  With one swift motion the shirt was lying on the floor.  _Okay get a grip Ron.  Make a move. Do something! Anything!!!  Breath for God sakes!!!_  Finally, his eyes met hers and he closed the gap between there lips.  _You're doing it! Keep going!_  Unconsciously, his tongue found its way inside her mouth.  It was like second nature to him, and Sara was helping him.

_ Go Ron. Who's da man?  I am! Oh! I am the man!!!_  Ron became more aggressive and confident. He was about to attempt to speak.

"I think the water is getting cold." He pointed at the shower.

"Plus there is something wrong with this picture." he made a glance down at his pants still on his body.

Sara quickly obliged.  He pants were soon next to his shirt, and then came his boxers, which were thrown somewhere.

"Like what you see?" Ron blurted out.

Sara shrieked with a fit of giggles.  She nodded her head yes with a coy look in her eyes.  Ron's eyes passed over Sara's naked body for the first time in realization.

"Cause I know I do."

Sara pushed back the shower curtain and stepped under the hot water.  Ron watched with appreciative eyes as her shadow cast upon the curtain started to wash itself.  Of course, the body wash was none other than herbal essences.  It's a total orgasmic, oops I mean organic experience.  Moaning emanated from behind the closed curtain.  _Ron what are you doing? Get in there!!!!!  She's waiting for you, man.  She wants you, idiot.  Open the curtain, step in the shower, and make her scream until she collapses.  _

Ron's hand shook as he pulled back the curtain.  

"So you finally decide to join me?"

Ron had lost all his nerve again, but he made it into the shower.

" Well good cause I need some help getting clean because I'm really _dirty_." She said in a sexy drawl as she handed him the bottle of body wash.

Ron instinctively looked around for a sponge or something.

"Do we have a sponge or something?"

"Nope got to use your hands." replied Sara.

Ron's eyes became really wide at that comment.  _Oh shit! Oh shit!  Who am I kidding I don't know what I'm doing._  Sara stood in front of him patiently letting the beads of water fondle every crevice of her body.  Her brown hair clung around her face and down her elegant back.  It stuck to the curves of her body.  Ron lathered the soap in his hands.  Foolishly, he started to wash her arm.  Sara removed his hands from her arm.  He gave her an alarmed look.  _What did I do now??_  She took his soapy hands in hers and guided them down her neck to her breasts.  He gave a weak smile.  He let her hands guide him across her lavish chest.  She let him go as soon as she realized he had confidence again.  Ron closed the space between their bodies then their lips.  His hands began to fervently fondle every inch of her slippery flesh.  He backed her against the wall.  He soon realized she was kissing him everywhere, and that his hands had snuck inside her.  She quickly switched positions with him and backed him fiercely against the wall.  Her mouth paved its way down his body.  _Oh! God!  She's not gonna do what I think she is.  Eeeep! she is.  _He felt her tongue slip across his quivering member.  He smiled in pleasure, but he couldn't take it any longer he had to have her.  He pulled her up to him and pushed her back up against the wall.  _This is it Ron! Go For it!  _He found his way inside.  Their bodies undulated as the shower beat down on the their warm bodies.  It was fervent and hasty.  Both moaned and quivered in pleasure.  Their bodies went limp after one last thrust and fell to the shower bottom.  The shower continued to rain on them.  Neither had the strength to turn off the shower.  Sara leaned over and went for one last round of tongue wrestling.  She savored his taste and fell back next to him.

"That was good." She said in an afterthought.

"Yeah I thought so, I think we should do it again sometime." Ron piped up.


	4. Chapter 4 Revised

"Yeah I thought so, I think we should do it again sometime." Ron piped up.

Meanwhile

Harry trounced through the halls all muddy. He really wanted to find the showers now. _Oh Geez! If Filch or Mrs. Norris caught me walking down these halls like this I'd be eaten alive. I guess I shouldn't look for the showers now. I should just go to the dorms, change and use the wash basin in the room to clean up. I hate that thing the water is always cold._ So Harry made his way to the fat pink lady in the frame.

"Harry why are you so dirty?" the fat pink lady said with the curl of her tongue.

_Oh God! I hate this woman. She thinks she's so attractive._Harry accidentally gagged out loud because suddenly had a mental image of the fat lady in a bikini.

The lady looked at him curiously then asked, " The password?"

"Pink dildo," muttered Harry.

The picture frame opened with the fat lady breaking into a fit of giggles.

_Urgh! Stupidity pisses me off_.

"I'm a lesbian." Harry hears as he enters the common room.

Lavender stands blushing in the center of the room.

"What about the whole Ron thing?" Harry asked as he walked over.

"Harry you're all muddy?!?!?!" echoed the whole room

Lavender blushed again, " Okay so I'm bisexual. I like girly guys."

_Ron's girly? I guess I can see that. He is quite a wimp. _

"It's all cool Lavender; we just want everyone to be happy. Right?" Harry said with an evil grin that let any bigots know they better not cross Lavender.

"Thanks Harry!" and she blew him a kiss as he walked passed her and up the stairs to his room.

Harry laid in his bed wondering about where the shower room could possibly be. He knew where all the bathrooms were, but none of the ones he knew had showers. All the girls he saw today were walking around in towels or robes and going to take showers. _Urgh! Girls are so mean! Can't they have the decency to walk around either fully clothed or with nothing on at all_. Harry beat his pillow in sexual frustration like an angry male elephant would. _I hope Ron finally got his, but I have yet to get mine today!_

Ron snuck up behind Harry and tapped him on the shoulder. Harry turned around to find a huge smile on his best friend's face. _That's my boy! He finally got some! I wonder, do we all have this stupid grin after sex? _Harry started laughing and poking fun at Ron. Harry patted him on his back. "So my little Ronnie boy, how was she?"

"She was just wow." Ron said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Can I try her out?" Harry said in complete jest.

"No! You may not!" Ron didn't realize Harry was only joking.

"Chill, Ron." Harry said with a soothing voice.

Ron calmed down and leaned against the wall with a small smile. Ron couldn't fully trust Harry after his past record with women. Ron eyed Harry steadily. Ron thought, _Does he really think I can trust anything he says. I have to give him credit. He did say he would help me, and he did. That doesn't mean I can trust him though._

"So you gonna see her again?"

"Maybe," Ron said with a sly smile.

Hermione walked into the boys' dorm. "What's up, guys?"

Both of them stuttered "Not.t.t.t.thing."

They both just couldn't get used to Hermione being hot. _DAMN!!!!!_Ron started to fidget a bit, his smile faded, and looked a little concerned I might blurt his news to Hermione. We all knew how Ron felt about her, but I also knew Hermione would be happy for him and would want to know.

"Ron had sex with Sara" I blurted loudly. Ron gave me an evil glare. I shrugged back and mumbled, "I thought she would want to know."

"Of course I want to know, Harry! We three tell each other everything and this is big news! The only thing is I thought Ron had a thing with Lavender?"

"Oh, Lavender's a lesbian now, well, bisexual. "Harry said nonchalantly.

"Good, Ron didn't scare her into being a lesbian"

"How could he? They never did anything but snog!" Harry offered. Ron turned redder than his hair. He didn't like that he was being talked about this way, and being left out of the conversation entirely. So he offered, "You guys want to hear about Sara and I."

" A gentleman never kisses and tells." chided Harry. Hermione nodded her head in agreement.

"Now Ron why don't you run along. Don't you have homework?" Hermione suggested.

"I guess," Ron answered looking confused as to why Hermione wanted him leave. Harry's head was screaming _O, thank you, thank you sweet, sweet Hermione! _"Yes, Ron, I know you have Astronomy homework to finish, and I know for a fact that Harry has his done." said Hermione in a motherly tone that made Ron wince and obey.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving" He handed Harry another evil glare before shutting the door. Ron thought: _Whoever decided it was only good to put a sliding staircase on the girls' side of the dorm never thought there was someone like Hermione. God, I wish that was me!!!!!!!!!!!_


	5. Chapter 5

Hermione moved catlike around the bed and shut the curtains. _YAY! This was the international sign at Hogwarts someone was having sex in the bed. There were other such unwritten rules, but are too complicated to get into at the moment. YAY!_ As Hermione shut the last curtain she crawled up my legs and said, " I couldn't wait any longer to have some Harry."

"Well I think Ron will be quite broken hearted about this."

"Come on, Harry. He knows about us and me and others. He still inexplicably loves me, and I can not say I don't love him back, but as I've told you before he has to _work_ his way up to me. Plus, If he wants to have a relationship with me then he needs to approach me! See Harry now look at what you've done; I'm frustrated."

" Oh, my poor Hermione is not getting what she wants." Harry said in mockingly sweet tone. "I'll pass the information along. Now, you shut the curtains and you and I both know what that means right?"

"Yes, Harry." she said blandly.

_Fuck I ruined the mood! Damn it! Shit! Fuck! With Hermione sitting on my legs I can't move! Fuck! What to do? What to do? Light Bulb!_ Harry reached out a hand and massaged Hermione's ear lobe. Hermione cringed, closed her eyes, and loped her head to the side. _Yes! Back in action! _Harry's hand began to caress her neck slightly. Her body gave an involuntary shiver. Hermione could no longer control herself and pounced on Harry, lips first. Hermione controlled the kiss, and moved Harry forcefully back against the bed's headboard. Harry was instantly excited. Hermione broke away from the kiss, knelt back down and stared down at his erection. "Mmmm I love the sight of a pitched tent." she said teasingly.


End file.
